Relationships, Social Media, and other crap!

Relationships, Social Media, and other crap!

I am 48 years old and since my 40s I feel like I’ve lived one big midlife crisis!  My first husband and I separated and divorced when I was 40.  At 41 I began dating my now second husband and married him at 43.  A month into 48 my second husband and I separated and now 8-9 months later we are working on “The Reconciling” of our relationship.  We had our 5^th anniversary together, miraculously!   I obviously do not have all the answers but I have noticed a trend that is sweeping over relationships that I would like to give my thought on. 

Here is the thing about our “modern day” relationships; they are complicated in part because relationships are never JUST THE COUPLE anymore.  99% of us own handheld computers that add a lot of extra people and pressure to our relationships.  20 years ago interference from others wasn’t as easily injected into our lives. I know it happened but just not as easily as it does today.  Which makes me raise the question;

“How much does social media, our smartphones and other people’s constant ability to contact us affect our relationships?”

I feel as if it is a little naïve to assume our phones/media/texting and the sort doesn’t negatively impact our relationships.  Let’s say you’re in a long-term relationship 20 years ago and you see someone you are attracted to, chances are high you will never see them again, never talk to them and still go on happily with your relationship.  Fast forward 20 years to today, you’re on social media with a co-worker or an acquaintance or even a stranger that you are attracted to, chances are high you are going to like their post, like their picture, say hey and now you’ve added someone you’re attracted to into your life and into your relationship.  It doesn’t matter if your relationship is 20 years, 5 years, 1 year if it’s not “new” then in reality the new person you’re chatting with is going to be more interesting.  Why wouldn’t they interest you more?   You didn’t just have to go to the bathroom after they were done in there; you didn’t just argue with them about the garbage not being picked up or bills or any of everyday life.  You get to be the hero who listens to the new person’s problems, be told how great you are and how much they would love to be with you and no reality has to ever soil your relationship! There are no dogs needing to be walked, no litter box needing to be cleaned, no kids needing to be grounded for not listening, no supper needing to be made, etc., etc.  Soon this amazing co-worker or acquaintance or stranger becomes your main confidant.   You share everything, you send snap streaks every day, you like their posts; they become your person.  That's the kind of sharing that builds true and deep intimacy … You are now at a place where you are closer to your co-worker, acquaintance or that stranger you haven’t ever actually met than you are to your partner.  When you confide your concerns and fears, your hopes and dreams, your struggles and temptations with someone else to the exclusion of your partner, you’re forging your strongest bonds with someone other than your partner.   Let’s be honest, that is always a recipe for disaster.  Now you have to decide where you are going with this, do you stay in the annoying real relationship or do you call it quits and try your luck with your texting buddy, the person you have the highest streaks with or the person who sent you those pictures you didn’t ask for. 

Maybe it’s time to put our phones down and think of some things we can do with our partner, things we can enjoy together.  Maybe it’s time to find ways to support our relationship.  Making things work in a relationship is never easy but allowing others to creep in makes it that much harder.  So before you check your notifications, go check on your partner see what they are up to, what they need and what you two can do together.   Be the best partner you can be.  Pursue the things which make for peace in your relationship.  Pour some love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control into the relationship.  Walk away from the desire to get your needs met elsewhere or to meet someone else’s needs that aren’t your responsibility.  I don’t know it all, God and everyone who knows me knows that to be true, but I do know if we want relationships to work there isn’t room for others in there.  Don't become addicted to getting your needs met on your phone...

Here’s a fun scripture for us…. Proverbs 5:18 Let your own fountain be blessed, and enjoy the girl you married when you were young. 

And the love chapter…Love is patient. Love is kind. Love isn't jealous. It doesn't sing its own praises. It isn't arrogant. It isn't rude. It doesn't think about itself. It isn't irritable. It doesn't keep track of wrongs. It isn't happy when injustice is done, but it is happy with the truth. Love never stops being patient, never stops believing, never stops hoping, never gives up. Love never comes to an end. . . So these three things remain faith, hope, and love. But the best one of these is love.

And here’s a painfully true one that none of us like to listen to in 2017 (Jesus talking) ….But I can guarantee that whoever looks with lust at a woman has already committed adultery in his heart. 

We got this... to quote Tom Hanks from Sleepless in Seattle "I'm gonna get out of bed every morning breathe in and out all day long. Then, after a while, I won't have to remind myself to get out of bed every morning and breathe in and out." Life is never simple but it definitely shows us what we are made of.

Ephesians 6:10 Finally, be strong in the Lord, and in the strength of his might.