About Me -The experience a girl has when she loses her father, whether by divorce, abandonment, or death, will shape the way she views men. And as it would turn out I had two men that were my fathers and neither of them was in my life as I grew up.
I lived in a home where my Mom got it done, made the rules and was the boss. I grew up believing I DON'T NEED A MAN TO BOSS ME AROUND! In my heart, I was going to take care of myself and get things done myself.
Girls who “lose their fathers to divorce or abandonment, tend to be more critical of the opposite sex.
Realistically my experience told me I couldn't rely on men and they will definitely fail me. Yet in my heart, I wanted love from a man ... love me, care for me but don't try to be my boss or have expectations on me because truly I don't trust that you have my best interest at heart. Somehow it has been instilled in me that you are only here to have your own needs met and you don't truly love or care about me.
So it would be safe to say I don't always get along with the man I'm in a relationship with and love. I tend not to agree with them because I truly don't get the way men think.
I think I have to carry the burden of my family myself because if I dare to let someone else carry it they may drop the ball. And if you drop the ball then what? I will be in worse shape than when I was doing it all myself.
I often feel like men are going to break my heart and leave you hanging.
So I am my worst enemy in relationships.
And look out if you do something that makes me not trust you that makes it that much harder... For that I'm sorry. I don't know how to trust.
I would be amiss as a Minister not to drag that scripture that is so misused and so misunderstood into the mix..... Ephesians 5 has some advice to Wives and Husbands. You know that verse some "gentlemen" like to quote (or misquote) the one where women should obey their husbands. Well, let's just look at what it really says.
21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. The word submit used here is the Greek word used is a military term meaning to put oneself in rank under another person. It implies taking on the mindset of a servant, where instead of expecting others to cater to you and your needs, you look out for and seek to meet their needs.
22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.23 For the husband is the head of the wife. . .
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her... 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— ...31 “For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—. . . 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
This sounds a little different than some crazy man with their finger in your face saying YOU HAVE TO OBEY ME! It's more of mutual respect. If your man is loving you like he loves himself or like Christ loved the church then there will be no question that you want to love and respect them back because they will be amazing! Even unto death. That verse 21 says submitting to one another. That doesn't seem like an "Old Gentlemen's Club" it seems like real relationships being really good.
So how do we get there? I don't have all the answers. I do know though it's a big deal for most couples married or not yet married. We come with baggage and preconceived ideas of roles and expectations. Love and respect are huge and in terms of mutual submission here are a few points:
MUTUAL SUBMISSION:
(1) ... adopting a servant lifestyle and attitude. Believers are to follow the Lord Jesus who, although He was Lord and Teacher, laid aside His rights, took a towel and basin, and performed the lowly servant’s task of washing the disciples’ feet (John 13:1-17). He said, “If I then, the Lord and the Teacher, washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I gave you an example that you also should do as I did to you” (John 13:14-15). Being submissive as Jesus was -did not mean abandoning God-given authority (He still is Lord), but rather getting our focus off ourselves and onto pleasing God and serving others for His sake.
(2) ... being at rest. A submissive person is not “kicking against the goads,” as Paul was before his conversion. A submissive person isn’t fighting for his or her rights, demanding equal treatment. The fight is over when you submit. A submissive person trusts God to meet his or her needs. He or she doesn’t have anything to prove.
(3)... growing in godly character qualities. A submissive person is not cantankerous, assertive, pushy, self-willed, and difficult to get along with. Believers are to be growing in humility, gentleness, patience, forbearance, and love (Eph. 4:2). Our lives are to be under the control of the Holy Spirit, who produces joy and thankfulness (Eph. 5:18-20). Both those in positions of authority (in the church and home) and those under authority are to be marked by the fruit of the Spirit (Gal. 5:22-23). This puts a check on authoritarian, self-serving, insensitive leadership.
I lived in a home where my Mom got it done, made the rules and was the boss. I grew up believing I DON'T NEED A MAN TO BOSS ME AROUND! In my heart, I was going to take care of myself and get things done myself.
Girls who “lose their fathers to divorce or abandonment, tend to be more critical of the opposite sex.
Realistically my experience told me I couldn't rely on men and they will definitely fail me. Yet in my heart, I wanted love from a man ... love me, care for me but don't try to be my boss or have expectations on me because truly I don't trust that you have my best interest at heart. Somehow it has been instilled in me that you are only here to have your own needs met and you don't truly love or care about me.
So it would be safe to say I don't always get along with the man I'm in a relationship with and love. I tend not to agree with them because I truly don't get the way men think.
I think I have to carry the burden of my family myself because if I dare to let someone else carry it they may drop the ball. And if you drop the ball then what? I will be in worse shape than when I was doing it all myself.
I often feel like men are going to break my heart and leave you hanging.
So I am my worst enemy in relationships.
And look out if you do something that makes me not trust you that makes it that much harder... For that I'm sorry. I don't know how to trust.
I would be amiss as a Minister not to drag that scripture that is so misused and so misunderstood into the mix..... Ephesians 5 has some advice to Wives and Husbands. You know that verse some "gentlemen" like to quote (or misquote) the one where women should obey their husbands. Well, let's just look at what it really says.
21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. The word submit used here is the Greek word used is a military term meaning to put oneself in rank under another person. It implies taking on the mindset of a servant, where instead of expecting others to cater to you and your needs, you look out for and seek to meet their needs.
22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.23 For the husband is the head of the wife. . .
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her... 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— ...31 “For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—. . . 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
This sounds a little different than some crazy man with their finger in your face saying YOU HAVE TO OBEY ME! It's more of mutual respect. If your man is loving you like he loves himself or like Christ loved the church then there will be no question that you want to love and respect them back because they will be amazing! Even unto death. That verse 21 says submitting to one another. That doesn't seem like an "Old Gentlemen's Club" it seems like real relationships being really good.
So how do we get there? I don't have all the answers. I do know though it's a big deal for most couples married or not yet married. We come with baggage and preconceived ideas of roles and expectations. Love and respect are huge and in terms of mutual submission here are a few points:
MUTUAL SUBMISSION:
(1) ... adopting a servant lifestyle and attitude. Believers are to follow the Lord Jesus who, although He was Lord and Teacher, laid aside His rights, took a towel and basin, and performed the lowly servant’s task of washing the disciples’ feet (John 13:1-17). He said, “If I then, the Lord and the Teacher, washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I gave you an example that you also should do as I did to you” (John 13:14-15). Being submissive as Jesus was -did not mean abandoning God-given authority (He still is Lord), but rather getting our focus off ourselves and onto pleasing God and serving others for His sake.
(2) ... being at rest. A submissive person is not “kicking against the goads,” as Paul was before his conversion. A submissive person isn’t fighting for his or her rights, demanding equal treatment. The fight is over when you submit. A submissive person trusts God to meet his or her needs. He or she doesn’t have anything to prove.
(3)... growing in godly character qualities. A submissive person is not cantankerous, assertive, pushy, self-willed, and difficult to get along with. Believers are to be growing in humility, gentleness, patience, forbearance, and love (Eph. 4:2). Our lives are to be under the control of the Holy Spirit, who produces joy and thankfulness (Eph. 5:18-20). Both those in positions of authority (in the church and home) and those under authority are to be marked by the fruit of the Spirit (Gal. 5:22-23). This puts a check on authoritarian, self-serving, insensitive leadership.
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